Am I Worthy?
Have you ever been in a situation outside of your normal everyday routine and felt like you are not worthy, and worried that other people are going to figure that out? My husband and I recently had an amazing date night! We went to an Elevation Worship concert. We were long overdue for some good quality time, so I decided to try to maximize our day by making us dinner reservations at Ruth’s Chris before the concert. It was an absolute five-star night. As we pulled up to the restaurant, we noticed they had valet parking. My husband was driving and was more than happy to pull in and let the bored-looking young man park our car as we walked in, feeling like the ultimate fine diners. I held up my hand to stop him. “Don’t use valet!” I said. He looked confused. Why would we not, he said without saying it. I proceeded to defend my irrational decision by explaining that my car was a mess. We had multiple water bottles lying around and, of course, the melty remnants of my Starbucks iced coffee. I had sports equipment, multiple first aid kits, don’t ask, and a few shopping bags strewn about in the back seat. There was a sticky substance on the shifter, most likely from my addiction to cold foam. Not to mention, the outside of my car was filthy. We live in the middle of corn fields, so a thin layer of dust is standard for my vehicle. “Let’s just park ourselves and walk in,” I pleaded. I could tell my husband thought this was ridiculous, but he decided not to challenge my theory on why we were not worthy of valet service. As we walked past the valet section, my husband jokingly said, “Honey, look! That one is just like our old Lamborghini!” It did make me laugh, and as we walked, I saw something that stopped me for a moment. Amongst the luxury vehicles was a teal green, 1991 Toyota Corolla. I mean, it was mostly green except for the tan driver side door that must have been replaced after a crash. It had one remaining hubcap that was cracked in half and hanging on for dear life. The owner had expertly matched the red tape to the busted-out tail light, and from a distance, it almost appeared as if the plastic cover was still intact. I was honestly envious of the confidence, or sense of humor, that the driver of this car had in pulling right up to the front of this fancy restaurant. I love my grocery-go-getter, and in rural Dwight, it’s pretty fancy. I’m probably the envy of many in the school drop-off line, but why, when I pulled into a 5-star restaurant in Hoffman Estates, did I now feel embarrassed about my dirty midsize SUV? Have you ever felt like a 1991 Toyota Corolla in your relationship with Jesus? Have you ever felt unworthy, unclean or unqualified to sit with those who seemed to have a Lamborghini exterior? I think we feel unworthy in so many ways, and as a result, we disqualify ourselves for the love God so freely offers us through the gift of Jesus. It’s not just the current generation that believes the lie that they must clean themselves up before bringing their needs to Jesus. The Old Testament taught us this as well. There is a long list of people who were unable to approach the temple and worship God in their current state of sin and shame. Jesus came and completely turned all of this upside down. I love Him for that!! In Matthew 8:2, it says, “A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, can you make me clean?” Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man, “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately, he was cleansed of his leprosy.” I see two important points in this verse. First, the man boldly came and kneeled before Jesus. He was not limiting himself to what society expected of him. He believed Jesus was the Savior he needed, and he bravely asked for what he needed. Secondly, Jesus did not hesitate. He was not limited by law. He went straight for the unclean and touched and healed him. God accepts us as we are. There is no need to clean it up before we come to him with our needs. Romans 5:8 says: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” If you feel unworthy, you aren’t completely wrong in that feeling. You are worthy, but not because you are worthy. You are worthy because Christ has made you worthy. Feeling unworthy of God’s love devalues what Jesus accomplished for us on the cross. We are free to draw near to his throne of grace with freedom and confidence. Or, in other words, confidently pull that Corolla up to the valet. In God’s eyes, we all appear as Lamborghini’s because the blood of Christ covers us.
Who Do You Trust?
Trust, by definition, is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. The Bible says that we are to: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your path.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust can be very difficult for some people for a variety of reasons. Depending on our experiences and relationships, we can struggle with trust at times. If we have been hurt or let down by people, we may tend to take those experiences and feelings into our relationship with God. The problem with this is that, although we as humans are sinful by nature and will inevitably fall short and fail one another, God never will. He is perfect and without sin. He is wise and just. Furthermore, He is all-knowing. He always protects and perseveres. We often misunderstand these attributes when we see them through our own broken sinfulness. At times, we may not trust God because we feel that we know better or that God does not have our best interests at heart. We may even believe the lie that a “no” from God is intended to ruin our fun rather than protect us. I best understand God’s character and desire for me as I parent my own children. Who Knows Better? One fall day, several years ago, I had an experience with one of my children that really shaped our future parent-child relationship. It was one of those days that kept building, and then everything happened all at once. You know the days. I was arriving home from physical therapy and I was tired and in pain. My leg was in a locked brace, so I could not drive myself. My in-laws were helping me struggle my way up the front steps. I was met by an excited child who was asking me if he could go to a drive-in movie with a friend. As I stumbled through the doorway and made it over to the couch to elevate my throbbing leg, the last thing I wanted to do was make a decision and give permission. The problem was that the movie he wanted to see was scary, and my instinct was to give him a firm “No.” We did not allow him to watch scary movies, for good reason. At the moment, he was not thinking about what he was really asking permission to do or the consequences of making a bad choice. He was blinded by the idea of having fun and being with his friend. The situation intensified as my phone chimed. I received a new text message from the mom of my child’s friend. It said, “I don’t mean to pressure you, but is it ok if we take (my child) with us to the movie? We are in your driveway.” Sure, no pressure at all. I really did not want him to go to this movie because I knew it was not the best thing for him. Not only that, but I wanted to call my husband for backup on this unpopular opinion, but he was out of town and unavailable. Giving In To Pressure As my mind swirled, my knee throbbed and the anticipation of my excited kid was palpable. I felt like I was melting down. At that moment, I began to argue with myself. I’m always the fun killer. I say no a lot! Will it really hurt him to see one scary movie? The pressure to compromise was too much and I allowed him to go despite my strong instinct to not allow it. He got home that night and it wasn’t long before the consequences of my mistake were evident. It started with vomiting from too much junk food and ended with a scared boy sleeping in my bed. The guilt and regret I felt was heavy. I knew what was good for him, and I chose to go against my instincts. Now he was suffering. I wished that I had been stronger, more firm, and more confident in my decision to say no. The thing is, I am older and wiser. I could see past the immediate appeal of fun to think about how he was too young to watch something scary. This lasted for several months. He was afraid to go to bed and to be alone. My husband and I had to comfort and reassure him often. The experience wasn’t completely in vain, though. A few months down the road, my son wanted to do something that I did not approve of. When I gave him a no, his initial reaction was not great. He felt this was unfair and that I was just being a fun killer. Everyone else got to do it! I used this opportunity to remind him of the scary movie incident. I reminded him that I compromised, and we both lived to regret it. Trust God Knows Better Furthermore, I explained that he may not always like, agree with, or understand my answer. However, one thing that he could always trust was that I loved him very much and every decision I made was in his best interest. He hugged me and agreed to trust me, whether he liked it or not. I was overcome with a feeling that could only come from the Holy Spirit. It was an understanding that I could not fully explain. I somehow knew that God used this moment to show me how I needed to trust Him as my Father. I may not like His answer and may rarely understand it, but I can always trust that He loves me and will always protect me. “Look at the proud one, His soul is not right within him, but the righteous will live by his faith in the true God.” – Habakkuk 2:4 Trust in a relationship means that you rely on another because you feel